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Imagine Santa holding court in the style of a religious fanatic. I did, and here’s what I thought it might look like. Charming, I’m sure you’ll agree.

A medieval style drawing of Santa laughing heartedly, surrounded by scenes of sheer brutality as elves torture people in various gruesome manners
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Santa has assembled a formidable bunch of rogues to fight the evil forces of The Puritans whose agenda of oppression even includes the banning of Christmas. Not on this crew’s watch!

A defiant Santa stands clutching an oversized candy cane as a weapon
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The annual tradition continues of creating at least one ‘black metal’ album cover-style design. Here the wintry Santa demon devours some sweet, sweet soul food.

A 'black metal' album cover-style portrayal of a horned Santa with long pointy fingers holding a screaming ghostly face
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There’s no time to lose in making sure these gifts reach their intended recipients. Nothing shall slow Santa down. Not clothing. Not even his own flesh.

A grisly sequence of three pictures
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Aaaaw! Nice. The other annual tradition of creating at least one design which is unlikely to give children nightmares or give them cause to ask a grown-up awkward questions. It’s perfectly simple; Santa needs a hat, but which one?

Six pictures depicting Santa's search for the perfect hat.
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